I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
