I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
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So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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