i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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