And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
