I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize