You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
