Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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