Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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