went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
