You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
