I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
