Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
