I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize