Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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