Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
