Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
