Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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