Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
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Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage