so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.