we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny