sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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