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• (813): View more from Florida

  so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  well its been awhile since I've surfed

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I think I have a pornographic memory.

  (954): View more from Florida

  Don't you mean photographic?

  (407): View more from Florida

  No.

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• (530): View more from California

  So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?

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• 

  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.

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• 

  These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Just had a threesome with a married couple.

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  Stop living my dream.

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