Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
