1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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