I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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