i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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