So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
