I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
