everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
