Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
