woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
