1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
