Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
