My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The adults are the big ones right?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
