I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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