you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
