The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
