i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
