Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
