I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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