Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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