the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
