she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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