Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
