very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I've blown a few things in my day
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
