he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
