Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
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Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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