I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Two words: blizzard sex
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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