I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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