I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
