I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
