i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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