Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
