Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
