if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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