Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Panties = found
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
