Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
