I look better un-naked...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
