Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
