that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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