I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
