State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
