remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
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IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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