dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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