is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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