That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
