Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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