i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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