There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
