My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
