i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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