Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
