OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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