Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
